Women’s Day with My Mumma- Part 2
I hope you will find this letter after I’m gone. I don’t want you to find it before as it will be really painful for you to read. And, my baby, you know I cannot see you in pain. Each tear that rolls down from your eyes kills me thousands of times. So don’t shed them for me.
Ani, in this letter I’m going to reveal everything that I have always kept away from you.
You always complained that I never share my pain. So, today, I will.
So, let me start from the start. You know where I grew up and how I grew up so I won’t be wasting your time with these things. Let’s start with the things you always wanted to know about me. I wanted to become a teacher along with a mother and a wife but couldn’t. Ours was a different time. Women weren’t allowed to work or study in colleges. So, I couldn’t continue after the 12th grade. I was a bright student and I loved reading and teaching. But, I knew my parents would never agree to my job. And even if they did still, I would have to give up after marriage. Because a job after marriage at that time, not a chance! So I gave up on my studies and got married to your father at the age of 20. But on the day of my marriage, I promised myself to teach my daughter everything and let her do whatever she wanted to. I promised myself to educate my daughter in the best way possible.
Then my Married Life Began
You know how cruel your grandmother was. That lady troubled me a lot. I served her like I served my mother but she always saw me as an evil woman who was there to take her son away. I always wondered why women in old times even allowed their sons to get married if they feared losing them. They should have tied them with chains. That would have been better than corrupting an innocent life. But let’s leave it behind as she died after ten years. You know what? I never voiced it out loud but I hated her a lot. I promised myself that I will never miss behaving with my daughter in law and I will never differentiate between you and her. Now, you know why I loved and treated Priya well even when she took Sandeep away. I knew the pain very well.
Sandeep was born after one year of my marriage. Honestly speaking, I wasn’t ready to become a mother at that time. I needed some time to prepare myself. But at that time, women had no choice, no power to make a decision, and no control over their bodies. It belonged to their in-laws.
For a woman, everyone can decide for her except herself. How ironic!
Nevertheless, your brother entered my life and I began to take care of him. Everyone was so happy because he was a boy. Our family rejoiced and celebrated his birth like a festival. However, the scenario was different at the time of your birth. Your father and I loved you but others accepted silently. No celebration at all. That’s how society is because they always lower girls down and put boys above them. I hated that treatment. So, your father and I celebrated your birth in our room. He bought a cake and a few other things for the party. We celebrated a lot and that is one of my favorite memories.
“You were special to me, Ani. You completed me as a woman. Thanks for coming into my life.”
Then years passed, life proceeded, you and your brother grew up. Your father and I grew old. You know it all. You have witnessed it. My life was good, simple and I loved that phase a lot. Then your brother got married and another member entered our family. It was fine in the beginning but Priya never accepted us as her family. She always stayed glued to her mother. I tried a lot to treat her the way I treated you but she never accepted me. Then she began to fill Sandeep’s ears against me. I swear, I never did anything to her but I regret not taking a stand against her. Then they moved out and she took my son away. I witnessed it all. I cried that night silently after your father slept. I didn’t talk about it because I didn’t want to show my pain to anyone. That night, I understood why your grandmother never let me have an upper hand on your father as long as she was alive. She feared losing her son. I stopped hating her after that night.
Then after a year, your father got a heart attack and died right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I failed as a wife. I was so heartbroken and I didn’t want to continue with life. First, my son and then my husband, both men I loved the most, left my side. I didn’t have a reason to live but I couldn’t die either because you were there and I knew I had to take care of you.
Here began the most difficult time of my life. You know what I have realized about life is we all face such horrible times once in life. We go through a time where everything is gone and we are left with nothing but loneliness. However, it is necessary to be in that part of life. I realized that nothing ever belonged to me. It was just an illusion that the world created around me. I got to know that I’m a human being, a woman who is supposed to live for herself first than others. But I didn’t do it. I had never put myself before anyone else. My family, my kids, my husband, everyone came before me.
I was everything that the world asked me to be but I wasn’t the woman I wished to be. Ani, in that phase of my life I realized it all. I learned how to live alone without a family and that’s the most difficult thing to do for a woman. Because family is all we women have, we nurture it with our dreams, sacrifices, and love. It’s too difficult to let it go away.
However, I had to as Sandeep refused to turn back so you and me, we were left with each other. And I knew you would eventually leave me after your marriage so it would be me and me. All alone with no one to share anything.
But you stayed in that phase of my life. My baby meant a lot to me. I can never explain in words what it was for me. You took care of me like you were my mother. You understood my pain without me speaking a word about it. I didn’t know you loved me this much but I deeply thank you for doing it all for me.
We got out of that phase and moved to another one. You got married and I was diagnosed with blood cancer. I was devastated again. I didn’t know what I deserved to encounter such fate but later I was fine as I didn’t want to continue with my life. I’d have been happy had the death come easily to me. But, no, it wanted to trouble me so it did. Here begin horrible chemo sessions. I hated each of them.
But your tears troubled me more. I knew how horrible it was for you to witness my pain.
I just wanted to let death take over me but I had to fight for you. Then the final stage came and I was bound to leave. That’s the time when I wrote this letter to you, on the hospital bed while waiting for death. I just remembered you and you all the time.
On the death bed, I understood that a woman’s life is tough. We are expected to do a lot for others. Society never allowed us to live for ourselves. We don’t have a right to choose. We are told to give until we are left with nothing. But that’s not true at all. You have to live for yourself. That is why you were born. Keep yourself above everyone. There is nothing selfish in loving yourself. It’s what a normal human being is supposed to do. So live your life, your dreams for yourself.
You used to celebrate women’s day to appreciate my dedication so I want to tell you that on Women’s Day be a woman first. Let the world go away. Don’t care about them. Don’t be like your mother. Don’t sacrifice everything.
In the end, I want to tell you that I love you and I was amazed to see you fighting for my life. But death and life are beyond our control. Don’t cry too much when I’m gone. You know the kind of effect your tears have on me. I adore your smile so keep smiling. Move on in life. I love you and I will always love you.
At last, I want to conclude this letter with these words, they may be written by another writer but I can relate to them.
“Mother and Daughter is a special bond that spans the years. Through smile, laughter, fights, worry, tears, and mostly love. This relationship is a feeling of trust that cannot be broken and a dept of love sometimes unspoken. Mother and Daughter is a lifelong friendship built on love, trust, hugs, kisses, caring, and sharing. Mother and Daughter, their heart as one-a link that can never be undone.”
Lots of Love, Ani
Anisha wiped her eyes after finishing the letter. She hugged the last belonging of her mother and wished ‘Happy Women’s day to Her Favorite Woman’
Rather than uploading status on social media. Go first and wish your mother. She deserves the day.
Disclaimer – Last quote credit goes to Mothersquotes.com
Read Part 1 of this story here
Authored by Aashna Chawla
Fujn fuses learning with earning in a fun way. Fujn is made by women for women. Ladies, dare to reimagine your possibilities! Check us out at www.Fujn.us, Fusion spelled F. U. J. N
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